Bright Lights Pounding Feet
by Ocean of Ashes
Summary: They say, when staring death in the face, your life flashes before your eyes. Ray and Neela find out that's true.


Disclaimer: All material and characters related to ER are not of my creation, and are owned by NBC etc, not myself.

Spoilers: Season Thirteen finale.

Author's Note: Having decided to devote the afternoon to writing (it was that or clean the oven), I proceeded to get writers' block. So I just decided to write what I was thinking instead, and this came out. It's very different for me, so I'd be interested to hear your views.

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die, snapshots and scenes that have defined you, made you. Years as a doctor, and he'd heard it said a million times. She'd never realised it was true. Bright lights of a truck bearing down, the roar of its engine appearing from the darkness; pounding feet coming closer, the cries and shouts of the crowd echoing in her ears.

_Dark curls tumbling over green scrubs, a troubled look in deep brown eyes._

_A tall stranger, a white coat and floppy hair, asking where the drug lock up was._

The beginning. Everything has a beginning, and theirs was as innocuous as they come. Whoever would have thought three years would have ended like this?

_A Statue of Liberty hat._

_A pair of sunglasses indoors._

A first meeting.

_A handshake, a smooth, small hand in mine, dark fingers entwined with pale ones._

_A handshake, calloused fingers with black nails closing around my own._

The first touch. The first spark. Who knew when the lines began to blur? Maybe it was as early as then, when skin touched skin, and there was no turning back. Not then, not ever.

_Fresh laundry. A clean apartment._

_Dirty towels. All night bloody parties._

But no regrets. Despite the arguments, not a single regret. Every last second of it was worth it. He'd do it again if he could. She wished they could turn back the clock.

_Keeping her awake with a nameless groupie, wishing it was her._

_Being kept awake by him with a nameless groupie, wishing it was me._

Things getting complicated. Electric touches and hidden feelings. Confusion. But still worth it. If he had time again, he'd tell her. If she had time again, she'd tell him.

_A white sari._

_A blue shirt._

She was so beautiful it actually hurt his eyes to look at her; a pain that went right the way to his heart. He looked so beautiful and pained as he tried not to look at her; she didn't realise that the empty feeling in her heart was the hole the sight of him had ripped into it.

_Looking into her eyes one morning and feeling for the first time that maybe I wasn't in this alone; looking into her eyes in the evening and hearing I was._

_Looking into his eyes one morning and feeling like giving in; looking into his eyes in the evening and knowing I couldn't._

In that one moment, he almost allowed himself to believe that the waiting might just pay off. He should have known better. In that one moment, she almost allowed herself to forget she was married. Maybe she should have done.

_A t-shirt in my hand, the taillights of a taxi pulling away._

_Trying so, so hard not to look back, in case I changed my mind._

His heart was breaking; he didn't know hers was too. Her heart was breaking for him.

"_Stay the Hell away from me."_

"_Stay the Hell away from me."_

Words he didn't want to hear; words she didn't mean to say.

"_That's because you're screwing him!"_

"_I cannot believe you said that."_

Words he didn't mean to say; words she didn't want to hear.

_Finally plucking up the courage, and lips meeting in a perfect kiss._

_Finally giving in to my feelings, and lips meeting in a perfect kiss._

Perfection. Utter perfection. A moment they both wished could last forever. He was determined to make it, she tried to let it.

_The velvet soft skin of her wrist under my thumb as I caressed her, the feeling of hope as she smiled up at me._

_The rough skin of his thumb on my wrist as he caressed me, the feeling of peace as I smiled up at him._

Being so, so close to getting everything he'd ever dreamed of. Being so, so close to finally being happy.

_Bright lights._

_Pounding feet._

Every moment that flashed before him was of her, every moment that flashed before her was of him.

Hazel eyes opened, chocolate eyes opened, but this wasn't death. If this was death, there wouldn't be so much pain. If this was death, there'd be a heaven, and if there was a heaven, she'd be there. If there was a heaven, he'd be there.

But she wasn't. He wasn't.

This must be Hell.


End file.
